Post Natal Depression

So my sister had twins in October last year and she's fine. A bit housebound but ok. But I'm really struggling. I'm depressed. I've lost my purpose in life. I feel worthless. I don't want to be defined by this new mother bullshit. I guess the problem is I feel like a Mum. I'm unemployed and I amuse myself by hanging with my sister and her babies. I know, it's sad.

Yesterday we went to Mother's group. I sat there holding one of the girls and they went around in a circle introducing themselves. It got to me and I had to explain my presence. "Aa-ah I'm the si-ister" I stammered nervously. Everyone laughed. It was like I was a crazy gatecrasher and I'd highjacked a baby just to come to some anonymous Mother's group. Like in Fight Club when Edward Norton goes to a support group and pretends to be suffering from testicular cancer...

The weird thing was that I felt totally comfortable in that environment. I sat talking to a South African Mum and we exchanged favourite baby names. And when it came time to leave, my tshirt was stained wet on the nipples. No people, I am not leaking breast milk! It's just baby drool, ok!!!

I need a job asap!!!