Why it's hard living alone

1. No-one to get me a drink
2. No-one to switch on the light
3. No-one to help with the dishes
4. No-one to laugh with when reality TV show contestants get their sayings mixed up...

Like tonight when a contestant on Biggest Loser Families, Joe from the red team, said he wanted to "grab the opportunity with two teeth and run with it".


Greg, don't you mean 'grab the opportunity with both hands' or 'grab it by the teeth' or simply 'grab it and run with it'?

Bahahahahaha!

Too funny.

Besides I don't think Joe has ever grabbed anything with only two teeth. I'm pretty damn sure he is used to using his whole mouth to take a great big bite out of life...and then collapse on the sofa with it.

10 minute interviews

I've got a new idea I wanna market. It's revolutionary and it would certainly give Jamie Oliver and his 30 mins meals a run for his money. It's the 10 minute interview!

On Monday I went for job interview at 9am. Probably the hardest time of the week for an interview...apart from maybe Friday afternoon. But I got there with time to spare. I walked in and greeted the receptionist at 8.55am. At 8.57am, the hiring manager came out and we walked into her office. What proceeded were a series of rushed, machine gun fire questions. Tell me about yourself. Why HR? How do you manage competing priorities? Where do you live? Are you a lesbian? Well not quite but you get the point.
Each question I answered was cut off and she was onto the next one. She told me she had got 150 applications through SEEK. Obviously she was hating the interview as much as I was.

But she kind of had a point. Although it was extremely rude (she could have humoured me a little bit), experts say that we make up our minds about people in the first 8 seconds of meeting them. And the rest of the interview is us deciding whether our first impression was justified. Apparently she didn't have to ponder that one too long...

At 9.09am I left her office. I'm surprised she didn't save on postage and hand me the 'unfortunately you have been unsuccessful but best of luck' letter there and then. I received it 2 days later in the letterbox instead.

Now that's what I call efficient!

Writers at the Convent Festival 2011

Yesterday I volunteered at the Writers at the Convent festival. It's held at the Abbotsford Convent which has a very cool vibe. If you haven't been there before I highly recommend it, if you want a cruisy place to hang out on a nice sunny day. Check out this link.

So the festival takes place every February and it features some fantastic local talent. I was privileged enough to meet Kate Holden, author of In My Skin and most recently, The Romantic, who was there for two panel discussions. The first panel discussion was about personal stories and she talked about what it is like to write a memoir about being an ex-prostitute and heroin addict and then having your friends and relatives read it. The second discussion was around writing about sex. Both were riveting topics and right up my alley ;)

I felt a bit in awe of Kate. She had a very gracious presence, an almost cool exterior, until she smiled and then her face would warm into an almost childlike quality. I stood in the queue to get my book signed by her. I received it for Xmas and had already read it which was a bit naughty cos I hadn't bought it from the book shop like everyone else. The queue was taking ages. Maybe people were asking her about her favourite sexual position? I don't know but it was taking bloody forever. I was rehearsing things I could say to her. Like, I love your books - they are so brave! Or I'm a writer too, do you have any words of wisdom? But once I got to the top of the queue, I just said Hi Kate! really loudly and shoved the book in her face.

She signed it "To Lizz. All the best and hope you like it! Kate."

That made me feel even more dodgy! Oh well, it least it wasn't a library book I got her to sign!

Post Natal Depression

So my sister had twins in October last year and she's fine. A bit housebound but ok. But I'm really struggling. I'm depressed. I've lost my purpose in life. I feel worthless. I don't want to be defined by this new mother bullshit. I guess the problem is I feel like a Mum. I'm unemployed and I amuse myself by hanging with my sister and her babies. I know, it's sad.

Yesterday we went to Mother's group. I sat there holding one of the girls and they went around in a circle introducing themselves. It got to me and I had to explain my presence. "Aa-ah I'm the si-ister" I stammered nervously. Everyone laughed. It was like I was a crazy gatecrasher and I'd highjacked a baby just to come to some anonymous Mother's group. Like in Fight Club when Edward Norton goes to a support group and pretends to be suffering from testicular cancer...

The weird thing was that I felt totally comfortable in that environment. I sat talking to a South African Mum and we exchanged favourite baby names. And when it came time to leave, my tshirt was stained wet on the nipples. No people, I am not leaking breast milk! It's just baby drool, ok!!!

I need a job asap!!!